A LOVE ABANDONED

WHEN LOVE IS LEFT BEHIND

IF YOU’RE DISCONTENTED in a relationship or a go from one to another or even remain unhappily alone, you maybe caught in a worsening cycle of abandonment. People think abandonment as something physical, like neglect, loss of physical closeness due to death, divorce and illness is also an emotional abandonment. It also happens when our needs aren’t being met in the relationship—- including in our relationship with ourselves. And although the loss of physical closeness can lead to emotional abandonment, the reverse isn’t true. Physical closeness doesn’t mean our emotional needs will be met. Emotional abandonment may happen when the other person is right beside us. If we’re not aware of our emotional needs, we won’t understand what’s missing in our relationship with ourselves and with others. We may just feel blue, lonely, apathetic, irritable, angry or tired. We have many emotional needs in intimate relationships. They include the following, VIZ:

For affection
For love
For companionship
To be listened to and understood
To be nurtured
To be appreciated
To be valued

FACING EMOTIONAL NEEDS

TO GET THEM MET, NOT ONLY DO WE NEED to know what they are, but we must value them and often actually ask for them to be met. Most people think they shouldn’t have to ask, but after the first rush of romance when strong hormones drive behaviors, many couples get into routines that lack intimacy. They may even say loving things to each other or “ACT” romantic, but there’s no intimacy and closeness. You could be a victim of “LOVE SOMEONE.” As soon as the “ACT” is over, they leave or return to their disconnected, lovely state. Of course, when there is high conflict, abuse, addiction, or infidelity, these emotional needs go unmet. When one partner is addicted, the other may feel neglected, because the addiction comes first.

OTHER PEOPLE ARE EMOTIONAL, abandoning relationships that replicate their childhood experiences, from one of both of their parents. Children needs to be loved and accepted by both parents. It’s enough for a parent to say “I LOVE YOU.” Parents needs to show by their words and actions that they want a relationship with their child for who he or she is, respecting his or her individuality. That includes empathy and respect for their child’s personality, feelings and needs—- not merely loving a child as an extension of the parent.


BREAKING THE CHALLENGES

FEELING WORTHY OF LOVE is essential to attracting and maintaining it. In the same way that we might shun a compliment we don’t feel we deserve, we will not be interested and able to sustain a relationship with someone is generous in loving us. Feeling unworthy originated in our early relationships with our parents. Many people have no negative feelings towards their parents and may in fact, have a close and loving adult relationship with them. However, it’s not enough that we forgive our parents. Healing includes rehabilitating the beliefs and inner voices of our parents that live in our minds and run our lives.

BREAKING THE CYCLES MEANS being a good parents to ourselves—- loving ourselves in all ways. If this last stop isn’t sufficient, we will still be looking outside ourselves to someone else to makes us happy. Although a good relationship can improve our sense of well-being, there are always time when partners needs space or needy and unavailable. BEING ABLE TO CARE FOR OURSELVES ALLOWS US TO HOLD THE SPACE FOR OUR PARTNER AND TO TAKES CARE OF OURSELVES. WHETHER OR NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP, THAT’S THE ULTIMATE REMEDY AGAINST SPIRALLING INTO DEPRESSION.