A LOVE WITHOUT COMMITMENT.

A NON-COMMITTED INTIMACY


ABSENCE OF COMMITMENT IN A RELATIONSHIP

CURRENTLY, COMMITMENT is not in vogue. Instead, relationship without commitment appears to be on the rise. Non-committal people say to each other ” I LOVE YOU, “ but what they really mean is ” I want to be with you today. A better opportunities may open up tomorrow, and if so, i’ll take it. ” This is perhaps not surprising. While there is something to be said for remaining non-committal and keeping one’s options open—- what we would like to argue here is that lack of commitment puts us on a path to loneliness.

WHEN WE FIRST FALL IN LOVE with someone, the mind of the other is to a great extent not transparent to us. At this state, we often try to gauge the other’s thoughts, feelings and interest indirectly, by doing such things talking to other people who knows the object of our affections or spying on the other on the media. Due to this perceived initial impenetrability of the other’s mind, at the start of a relationship, nothing the other says is sufficient to give us assurance we seek. Anything and everything can makes us jealous and insecure. We don’t know the other well enough to know where danger maybe lurking.


KNOWING A COMMITMENT WITHOUT LOVE

OUR TENDENCY TO SEE THE OBJECT of a romantic interest as not transparent and unknowable when we are jealous, as we are apt to be in the early stages of a relationship. Jealousy is never satisfied with anything short with an omniscience that would detect the subtlest folds of the heart. We always knows little about the minds of others, but we don’t notice this, because we don’t particularly care about what most people think and feel. As soon as we become seriously interested—- as when we fall in love—- we find that we don’t know. Jealousy reveals to us how obscure the mental lives of others are.

IT IS ONE OF THE FACULTIES of jealousy to reveal to us the extent to which the reality of external facts and the sentiments of the heart are an unknown element which lend itself to endless supposition. We imagine that we know exactly what things are and what people think for the simple reason that we don’t care about them. But as soon as we have he desire to know, as the jealous man or woman does, then it will become a dizzy kaleidoscope in which we can no longer distinguish anything.


NON-COMMITTAL IN FALLING IN LOVE

WHEN THE OBJECT OF LOVE lends itself to endless interpretation in this way, he or she remains inscrutable, an ” OTHER ” whose mind is hidden from view and whose motives are a matter of conjecture, never of knowledge. The impenetrability of the other’s mind at this point precludes intimacy. Fr this reason, falling in love is quite different from love. When the other at this early stage, addresses by name, or by saying “YOU,” we may find this exhilarating. The object of romantic interest is, in that moment not an opaque other we try to interpret from an external point of view, but someone who talks to us. Being addressed in this way gives us hope that the other’s mind will not remain forever unreadable. A door, a channel of communication—-however narrow—- has opened up connecting us to the object of attraction. There is hope for love.

IF WE GOT LUCKY AS THE RELATIONSHIP EVOLVES, we need to rely less and less on indirect evidence of the other’s thoughts and motives. Instead, we can simply accept what the others says to us. Trust develops and our conversation plays a key role in this development. At one point, 2 lovers may get to know each other so well that conversation—- which is so crucial in the beginning—- becomes almost unnecessary. They can ” READ ” each other’s minds. Silence itself becomes intimate.


FINDING LOVE ALONG THE WAY

SOMETHING ELSE HAPPENS when find love. There emerges the composite of 2 lovers, a first-person plural perspective. Of course, a perspective in pronoun language may emerged in a variety of context. In all these cases, while each may do his or her part, people are not acting as individuals only, but part of a collective.

HOWEVER, THESE ARE TEMPORARY, local alliances. Romantic intimacy is global, and it persists. 2 people who love each other romantically don’t makes important plan without consulting their partner. They don’t think to themselves. Instead, they think of what they will do together. It is precisely this togetherness that makes 2 people a ” COUPLE. ” It is also the reason why we no longer feel alone once we find love.

SOMETIMES, WHEN LOVE IS GONE, ONE PARTNER MAY SAY TO THE OTHER ” WE CAN WORK THIS OUT, ” TO WHICH THE OTHER MAY REPLY ” THERE IS NO WE ” —- ALLEGING THAT THE WE— COMPOSITE HAS DISINTEGRATED. LOVE HAS CEASED TO FUNCTION AS GLUE CONNECTING THE 2 LOVERS, AND THEY HAVE BECOME SEPARATE AND FULLY INDEPENDENT ONCE AGAIN. … ✍✍ 👍 💢 💥 ✨ ✅