CONTEMPT

OVERCOMING CONTEMPT IN LOVE

ITS IMPACT IN A RELATIONSHIP

CONTEMPT IS A FEELING towards another that they are unworthy of any degree of respect and deserving only of scorn condemnation; beneath all consideration. That’s strong language, particularly when used about someone with whom we are likely to have previously felt feelings of appreciation and love. Yet, it is possible to go from valuing another to despising them, sometimes within surprisingly short period of time. CONTEMPT rarely comes ” OUT OF THE BLUE, “ although it may seem that way to the person experiencing it or to the one who is the recipient of it. It occurs as a result of denied or undealt with disappointment, resentment, anger or hurt.

THE CIRCUMSTANCES THAT CAUSED us to experienced unpleasant feelings towards someone don’t disappear. In fact, they become intensified until they are addressed in a way that neutralizes their cause. Clearing the strong feelings can sometimes occur without involving the other person’s participation in the healing process. But more often than not, we need to have ” THE TALK. ” Bringing an incompletion to another person can feel risky since we are opening the possibility that they may become angry and hurt since we are the bearer of difficult news.

AS CONTEMPT COMES TO OUR LIVES

RATHER THAN SPEAK UP, we instead withheld our feelings, hoping that they will go away and that we won’t have to say anything. But those negative feelings erode the foundations of the relationships, deepening mistrust, resentment, anxiety, disappointment, and distance. Moving into the territory of CONEMPT is like going from being unhappy to being profundity depressed. It’s difficult to recover due to the peacefully entrenched grip that it has on us. The longer unacknowledge issues remain unattended to, the more likely it becomes that they will create a polarizing impasse. One or both partners sees no solutions other than leave or continue to try to tolerate a loveless partnership. Trying to tolerate a situation where one is held in contempt, is unsustainable and will cause great damage to our body, heart, and soul.

CONTEMPT DOESN’T COMES out of nowhere. It is a result of an unwillingness to initiate difficult conversations, or when one’s partner failed to hear one’s honesty, when it is motivated by a commitment to well-being of the relationship. When a partner responds to a painful feedback without becoming hostile, CONTEMPT is unlikely to occur because there will be little fear of retaliation for bringing up the tough issues.

AVOIDANCE OF CONTEMPT

THE TENDENCY TOWARDS CONTEMPT is a habit that has been co-created by both partners. If a partner is conflict-avoidant and inclined to deal with their feelings by nursing anger, grudges, and destructive fantasies, over time if unchecked, this pattern can destroy even a good relationship. When pay close attention to our relationship needs and responds to them in a timely manner, the deterioration into CONTEMPT becomes a much lower possibility. When we check out of our relationship, we are sowing the seeds of CONTEMPT and putting the relationship itself at risk.

ADMITTEDLY, IT CAN TAKE COURAGE AND COMMITMENT TO HOLD OURSELVES AS BEING DESERVING OF RESPECT AND CONSIDERATION. DOING SO CAN PROVOKE SOMEONE WHO HAS USED BULLYING TO INTIMIDATE OTHERS. THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT WHEN WE BEGIN TO STAND UP FOR OURSELVES AND REFUSE TO BE TREATED DISRESPECTFULLY, WE NOT ONLY DIMINISH CONTEMPT, BUT WE TAKE POWERFUL STEPS IN RESTORING SELF-RESPECT TO OUR OUR PERSONAL AND PUBLIC IDENTITY. SOMETIMES, WE HAVE TO BE WILLING TO RISK OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH ANOTHER, TO EARN THE RIGHT TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT OURSELVES. ARE YOU ?