EVOLVING LOVE FANTASY

FALLING IN LOVE ON SOMEONE’S IDEAS

FANTASIES OFTEN STARTS the same ways, as something innocent. They are beautiful desires, benign, the kind of things that just makes you giddy and full of hope. Maybe it’s a friend you’ve been secretly harboring feelings for. Maybe a celebrity, or really just the character they play on screen. Someone who becomes this unattainable dream. someone you just know would change your life. Someone to represent your ideal future. And so, that’s what they become. You decide if you could just get this person, this fantasy, everything else would fall into place. You’ll be happy. You’ll live the life you want.

BUT WHENEVER WE DO this, the person we’ve done this to is stripped of being an actual person. They become an idea. An idea of what you want, what you’ve been desperately hungry for. You decide who they are without even asking. When you love the idea of someone, you’re setting yourself up to be disappointed. You’ve crafted such a grandiose dream that there’s just no way the real person can live up to it. Not even the most wonderful person can compete with the DREAM VERSION you’ve created.


CAN THEY BE YOUR SOUL MATE ?

IF YOU CONTINUE THIS PATTERN, from experience, you’re only sabotaging the chance at something real. You’re running the risk of never actually getting to know someone. And that’s the only way to ever achieve true intimacy. That’s the only way to truly fall in love. It’s not that you should settle. It’s good to know what you want. It’s good to have standards for how you expect to be treated. But date someone so you can learn who they are. Don’t go in thinking you have them all figured out. Don’t hold them to an idea of what you HOPE they are. That’s unfair in so many ways. And that’s the good way to remain forever alone. When you love the idea of someone, you aren’t in love. Maybe you’re trying to protect yourself because, falling for someone is terrifying. Maybe you’re scared to actually open up. An ides will always be just that: an idea.


HOLDING ON TO SUPPOSITION

IT’S SO EASY TO BUILD THIS ideal image of who you wanted to be, with him or her by your side. A large part of you becoming that person is dependent on who you expected him or her to be, and the role you needed him or her to play in building your life together. MOST IMPORTANTLY, YOU NEEDED CONSISTENCY IN EVERYTHING: HIS OR HER BEHAVIOR TOWARDS YOU AND LIFE IN GENERAL, YOUR FEELINGS FOR ONE ANOTHER, AS WELL AS YOUR GROWTH THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO MAINTAIN SIMILAR VELOCITY IN CORRELATION TO EACH OTHER. UNFORTUNATELY, REALITY DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT.