OUR UNDERSTANDING OF LOVE
THE IMPORTANCE OF LOVE TO OUR LIVES
FROM SONGS AND POEMS, to novels and movies, romantic love is one of the most enduring subjects for artworks through the ages. But how about the science ? Historical, cultural and even evolutionary evidence suggests that love existed during ancient times and across many parts of the world. The complexity of love has much to do with how people experienced it differently and how it can change over time. Psychological researches had investigated the differences between liking someone, loving someone and being ” IN LOVE.” Liking is described as having positive thoughts and feelings towards someone and finding that person’s company rewarding. We often also experience warmth and closeness towards the people we like. In some instances, we choose to be emotionally intimate with these people.
WHEN WE LOVE SOMEONE, we experience the same positive thoughts and experiences as when we like a person. But we also experience a experience a sense of deep care and commitments towards that person. Being “IN LOVE” includes all but also involves feelings of sexual arousal and attractions. However, people’s own views of love suggests that not all love are the same.
CHANGES OVER TIME IN LOVE
PASSIONATE LOVE IS WHAT PEOPLE typically considers being “IN LOVE.” It includes feelings of passion and an intense longing for someone, to the point they might obsessively think about wanting to be in their arms. Companionate love is not felt as intensely, but it’s complex and connects feelings of emotional intimacy and commitment with a deep attachment towards the romantic partner. Looking at changes in romantic love overtime, typically finds that although passionate love starts high, it declines over the course of a relationship. As partners learn more about each other and becomes more confident in the long-term future of the relationship, routines develop. The opportunities to experience novelty and excitement can also decline, as can the frequency of sexual activity. This can cause passionate love to subside.
LIFE EVENTS AND TRANSITIONS can also makes it challenging to experience passion. People have competing responsibility that affects their energy and limits the opportunities to foster passion. Parenthood is an example of this. In contrast, companionate love is typically found to increase over time.
PONDERING POINTS IN LOVE
ALTHOUGH RESEARCH FINDS most romantic relationships consists of both passionate and companionate love, it’s the absence of reduction in companionate love, more so than passionate love, that can negatively affect the longevity of a romantic relationship. Love is an emotion that keeps people bonded and committed to one another. From an evolutionary psychology perspective, love evolves to keep the parents of children together long enough for them to survive and reach sexual maturity. The period of childhood is much longer for humans than other species. As offsprings rely on adults for many years to survive and develop the skills and abilities needed for successful living, love is especially important for humans.
WITHOUT LOVE, IT’S DIFFICULT TO SEE HOW THE HUMAN SPECIES COULD HAVE EVOLVED. NOT ONLY IS THERE AN EVOLUTIONARY FOUNDATION TO LOVE, LOVE IS ROOTED BIOLOGY. FINDINGS ALSO TELLS US THAT LIKING SOMEONE IS NOT THE SAME AS BEING IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE. PEOPLE WHO HAVE AN INSECURE ATTACHMENT, INVOLVING A HIGH NEED FOR VALIDATION AND PREOCCUPATION WITH RELATIONSHIP PARTNERS, ENDORSE MORE MANIA LOVE, WHILE THOSE WHO ARE COMFORTABLE WITH INTIMACY AND CLOSENESS DO NOT ENDORSE LOVE. NO MATTER WHAT THE DIFFERENCE IN THE WAY LOVE IS EXPERIENCED, ONE THING REMAINS COMMON FOR ALL: WE AS HUMANS ARE SOCIAL ANIMALS WHO HAVE A DEEP FASCINATION FOR IT.
Relationship goals 