Relationship goals

WHAT ABOUT IF ONE BECOMES THE OTHER ?

DISTINCTIONS OF UNDERSTANDING AND MEANING

LOVE AND PASSION ARE 2 EXTREMELY powerful emotions. Although these 2 emotions overlap in some cases, there is generally a clear cut difference between love and passion. PASSION refers to the sexual and romantic feelings. LOVE is a strong affection we feel for someone close to us. When we talk about the love between a couple, PASSION is part of the LOVE. However, if we are talking about the LOVE between a mother and a child, PASSION has no role in that relationship. Therefore, the main difference between LOVE AND PASSION is that: LOVE is deep affection, whereas PASSION is the romantic or sexual LOVE.

ATTRIBUTES BETWEEN LOVE AND PASSION

• ABOUT LOVE :
  • Love is an intense feelings of deep affection.
  • Love lasts long.
  • It can refer to affectionate feelings in any relationships.
• ABOUT PASSION :
  • Passion can refer to sexual love.
  • Passion can fade over time.
  • It specifically refers to the feelings between lovers or married couples.

THE TERM PASSION BASICALLY, has 2 meanings. It can refer to a strong feeling of enthusiasm or excitement for something or about doing something. It can also refer to a strong sexual or romantic feeling for someone. PASSION is extremely strong and barely controllable. When compare with LOVE, PASSION is associated with desire. However, PASSION(sexual or romantic love) may fade over time. PASSION can be a motivation for an occupation or a hobby as well. If someone has great enthusiasm and excitement towards some subject or field, that PASSION motivates him or her to pursue an occupation in that articular field.

QUALIFYING DISTINCTIONS IN BETWEEN

LOVE CAN REFER TO A WIDE range of emotions and feelings. Affections, feelings, caring, liking and attachment are some of these feelings and emotions. LOVE is a strong emotions we feel towards a person who is close to our hearts. The LOVE we feel towards a person differs according the the relationship we have with that person. The LOVE we feel towards a sibling is different from the LOVE we have for a lover. LOVE for a sibling is tinged with other emotions like friendship, warmth, kindness, affection, caring and protectiveness, whereas LOVE for a lover is tinged with emotions like desire, attraction, and affection.

SIMPLY PUT IN WORDS, A PASSIONATE LOVE IS A TYPE OF LOVE IN WHICH EMOTIONAL AROUSAL AND USUALLY SEXUAL PASSION ARE PROMINENT FEATURES; ALONG WITH COMPANIONATE LOVE, IT IS ONE OF THE 2 MAIN TYPES OF LOVE IDENTIFIED BY SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGISTS. PASSIONATE LOVERS TYPICALLY ARE GREATLY PREOCCUPIED WITH EACH OTHER, WANT THEIR FEELINGS TO BE RECIPROCATED, AND ARE USUALLY GREATLY DISTRESSED WHEN THE RELATIONSHIP SEEMS AWRY.

THE BOND OF HOPE IN A TRUE AND LOYAL LOVE

LOVE, FAITH AND HOPE: THE 3 BASIC ELEMENTS OF EMOTIONS

AT THE CORE OF HUMAN EXPERIENCE, is the on-going works of life: the search for meaning, purpose and belonging. The only enduring answers to the eternal quest are hope, faith and love. The concept of love, as much as the concept of the divine, and the enigmatic physical phenomenon of gravity, are virtually impossible to define. Yet, there are basic human experiences related to the concrete and physical that helps us to better understand the abstract: Our need of love in our culture. Love is one of the most basic physical human needs. We need love for life, for energy, for health. Popular culture is becoming more homogenous, though a sort of “ cultural imperfection” —- the globalization of a “dystopia of narcissism and social Darwinism. “ Although our post modern culture tends to reject the idea of universal truth, preferring to expand the boundaries of conventions and acceptability, love becomes the objective standard against which all actions maybe judged, since love does no harm to its neighbors.

LOVE IS THE OPPOSITE OF APATHY. It responds to opportunities and makes choices that does beyond selfish interests. Love is a decision to meet other’s needs, s commitment to something beyond ourselves, and the ultimate expression of truth in action. It is an idea that can transform our society and our world.

AS WE INDULGED OURSELVES WITH LOVE

LOVE IS THE MUSIC THAT SOOTHES the heart and stirs the passion within. Love is familiar territory in the world of music—- and the familiarity often breeds contempt. In the summer of love, the youth culture experimented with free love. It was a time of social revolution, and today we are living with the social consequences of those changes. Love in music is now a tired refrain, yet nothing is as universal as the search for true love between the sexes. Love communicates in the level of human emotion, with it being the most intense of all emotions.

LOVE IS THE ART OF FINDING truth and beauty in creative expressions. Art in love should illuminate the soul, not darken it. It has the power to awaken latent passions and open our eyes to the beauty of love. Love goes beyond mere individual expressions to the physical interpretation of universal spiritual truth .

REDEFINING THE DYNAMICS OF LOVE

LOVE IS THE WISDOM THAT KNOWLEDGE should be put into practice. Philosophy is the love of knowledge and wisdom. The term “university” is derived from the concept of unity in diversity. However, when we bring all the areas of knowledge together, we can make better sense of the whole when we relate them to each other instead of treating them as a separate entities. Love brings unity to everything by establishing a meaning and purpose for all that exists.

LOVE IS THE CHARACTER and commitment that holds relationship together. Human beings are the most vulnerable of all mammals at the moment of birth. They require a level of care not observed in most species. This has been attributed to the mental complexities of learning language as well as the physical complexities of walking upright and of manual dexterity. Language and the ability to communicate are amazing faculties, that we as humans, tends to take for granted. RELATIONSHIPS ARE EXTREMELY FRAGILE, AND REQUIRES A VERY HIGH LEVEL OF CARE TO BE MAINTAINED SUCCESSFULLY. LOVE IS THE GOAL OF ANY RELATIONSHIP—- THE MUTUAL FULFILLMENT OF DEEP PERSONAL NEEDS. WE CAN MAKE BETTER SENSE OF THE WHOLE WHEN WE RELATE THEM TO EACH OTHER, INSTEAD OF TREATING THEM AS SEPARATE ENTITIES. LOVE BRINGS UNITY TO EVERYTHING BY ESTABLISHING A MEANING AND A PURPOSE FOR ALL THAT EXISTS. 

VALUES AND VIRTUES OF LOVE

MEANING OF LOVE IN OUR LIVES

SO, WHAT IS IDEAL LOVE ? Ideal love is being with a partner who truly loves and accepts you all the time. Ideal partners have few disagreements as they share a lot of the same viewpoints and values in life. They have a lot of things in common. Their relationship is smooth and easy. They have a deep love, respect and support for one another. Ideal mates really “GETS” each other. They honor and empower each other in a positive way. They challenge one another and make each other a better person. Ideal mates are so full of love and happiness, their union makes the world a better place. You know when you’re in the presence of an ideal love relationship, you can actually feel love and peace emanates from them. They almost glow, they’re so happy.

DIFFERENT AFFECTIONS AND LOVE

PEOPLE LOVED IN DIFFERENT WAYS. People feel loved in one of 5 ways: words of affirmation, quality time, affection, acts of service and gifts. When 2 people are in an ideal love relationship, each person expresses love naturally how the other person needs to received it. Have you ever been in a relationship where your partner didn’t do things right ? You just never felt heard or understood. You would tell your mate what you wanted and needed and he or she would do those things for a little while, maybe a couple of weeks, a couple of months, but their new behavior wouldn’t last. You will end up fighting over the same thing sooner than later. The reason the preferred behavior wouldn’t last is because it didn’t come naturally, it was forced. Forced behaviors took a lot of awareness, thought and effort. When you’re in a relationship with someone that does not naturally express love how you need it, there will always be a conflict. In other words, if one person feels loved by words of affirmation but they are in a relationship with someone who loves through gifts giver feels they are expressing love, their mate won’t feel loved as their love language is different. The gift giver is not expressing love the way their mate needs to receive it. The gift giver will feel frustrated, and so will their mate, hence, they each feel unhappy and unfulfilled.

CONSCIOUSNESS IN LOVE

LOVE IS THE GREATEST OF ALL HUMAN NEEDS. Everyone has the desire to love and be loved and accepted. Some people have love, some fear it, some abuse it, but everyone still wants and needs to be loved. Most people have conscious and subconscious negative thoughts, beliefs and fears about love. When you’re operating on a negative distorted perception, it’s really quite impossible to have a positive experience.

HOW MANY PEOPLE do you know are married, yet not close to being fully happy or fulfilled in their love life ? With the divorce rate as high as they are, you’d think more people would make the investment to find out what they want and need in a partner and a relationship. YOUR PERCEPTION IS YOUR REALITY, AND YOUR REALITY IS YOUR PERCEPTION. YET NONETHELESS, IDEAL LOVE TRULY EXISTS. 

OVERCOMING CONTEMPT IN LOVE

ITS IMPACT IN A RELATIONSHIP

CONTEMPT IS A FEELING towards another that they are unworthy of any degree of respect and deserving only of scorn condemnation; beneath all consideration. That’s strong language, particularly when used about someone with whom we are likely to have previously felt feelings of appreciation and love. Yet, it is possible to go from valuing another to despising them, sometimes within surprisingly short period of time. CONTEMPT rarely comes ” OUT OF THE BLUE, “ although it may seem that way to the person experiencing it or to the one who is the recipient of it. It occurs as a result of denied or undealt with disappointment, resentment, anger or hurt.

THE CIRCUMSTANCES THAT CAUSED us to experienced unpleasant feelings towards someone don’t disappear. In fact, they become intensified until they are addressed in a way that neutralizes their cause. Clearing the strong feelings can sometimes occur without involving the other person’s participation in the healing process. But more often than not, we need to have ” THE TALK. ” Bringing an incompletion to another person can feel risky since we are opening the possibility that they may become angry and hurt since we are the bearer of difficult news.

AS CONTEMPT COMES TO OUR LIVES

RATHER THAN SPEAK UP, we instead withheld our feelings, hoping that they will go away and that we won’t have to say anything. But those negative feelings erode the foundations of the relationships, deepening mistrust, resentment, anxiety, disappointment, and distance. Moving into the territory of CONEMPT is like going from being unhappy to being profundity depressed. It’s difficult to recover due to the peacefully entrenched grip that it has on us. The longer unacknowledge issues remain unattended to, the more likely it becomes that they will create a polarizing impasse. One or both partners sees no solutions other than leave or continue to try to tolerate a loveless partnership. Trying to tolerate a situation where one is held in contempt, is unsustainable and will cause great damage to our body, heart, and soul.

CONTEMPT DOESN’T COMES out of nowhere. It is a result of an unwillingness to initiate difficult conversations, or when one’s partner failed to hear one’s honesty, when it is motivated by a commitment to well-being of the relationship. When a partner responds to a painful feedback without becoming hostile, CONTEMPT is unlikely to occur because there will be little fear of retaliation for bringing up the tough issues.

AVOIDANCE OF CONTEMPT

THE TENDENCY TOWARDS CONTEMPT is a habit that has been co-created by both partners. If a partner is conflict-avoidant and inclined to deal with their feelings by nursing anger, grudges, and destructive fantasies, over time if unchecked, this pattern can destroy even a good relationship. When pay close attention to our relationship needs and responds to them in a timely manner, the deterioration into CONTEMPT becomes a much lower possibility. When we check out of our relationship, we are sowing the seeds of CONTEMPT and putting the relationship itself at risk.

ADMITTEDLY, IT CAN TAKE COURAGE AND COMMITMENT TO HOLD OURSELVES AS BEING DESERVING OF RESPECT AND CONSIDERATION. DOING SO CAN PROVOKE SOMEONE WHO HAS USED BULLYING TO INTIMIDATE OTHERS. THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT WHEN WE BEGIN TO STAND UP FOR OURSELVES AND REFUSE TO BE TREATED DISRESPECTFULLY, WE NOT ONLY DIMINISH CONTEMPT, BUT WE TAKE POWERFUL STEPS IN RESTORING SELF-RESPECT TO OUR OUR PERSONAL AND PUBLIC IDENTITY. SOMETIMES, WE HAVE TO BE WILLING TO RISK OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH ANOTHER, TO EARN THE RIGHT TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT OURSELVES. ARE YOU ? 

RESPECT WITHOUT DOMINANCE

OUR WORTHINESS TO DESERVE IT

SHOULD YOU BLINDLY RESPECT your elders, your government, your teachers, and your spiritual leaders ? What if these people weren’t behaving in a way that it will endanger respect ? What if they were flawed human beings who don’t practice what they preach, or who takes advantage of their position ? What if they don’t have the knowledge or insight truly necessary to lead and ” do the right thing ” ! What is respect ? It’s not something that you get just because you are put in a position—- after all, any system is prone to manipulation, be it voting for a political figure, getting a position of authority in a company that you deserve, or finding yourself in charge of something because there were just wasn’t anyone else around to takes care of it ! True respect, is a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities and achievements. What about if you earned respect because you chose to do the right thing, honor others, walk your talk and stay above the fury, even when you wanted to jump down into the mud with those who are taunting you ? What if you earned respect because you treated others with compassion and care, and remembered that, deep down, human beings are all wired with the same needs and concerned.

GAINING RESPECT IN OUR LIVES

IF YOU ARE A PERSON WHO WANTS to be respected because you are deserving of respect based on your qualities, the following should be observe, VIZ :

• ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS :
  • Just because you say you are a person of integrity or that you know what you are doing or that you care about people, does not makes it true. The adage ” talk is cheap ” applies here. Talk all you want, but it’s what you do that matters. And remember, people are watching: If you chose the wrong path and never admit your mistakes, or you try to protect those who have done wrong, you will dig a deeper hole to rise from when you are trying to earn respect. Do what you would do if your actions would be plastered on the front page of the newspaper.
• CRUEL, WEAKNESS NOT STRENGTH :
  • There are those who are cruel to the ones who are perceived to be ” beneath ” them. It is easy to be cruel to a person or animal who has no chance to fight back or even the score. But exerting your power in this circumstances does not earn you respect; it shows you to be a weak individual who does not deserve respect. The truly powerful person subjugates themselves to those who are ” weaker. ”
• FAILURE OF ABILITIES AND ACHIEVEMENTS- but qualities of characters stays with
  • you for a lifetime. All things in life are transitional. The mighty will fall, you can’t take it with you, and nothing lasts forever. If you want to garner respect, do so when you are up, when you are down, and when you are in the middle. To be actually respected person, you don’t need trappings: ” you need the right actions. “
• TAKE THE HIGHER GROUND :
  • It’s so much safer up there. In fact, so many people want to stay down at the lower levels and dukes it out to show their strength that when you take the higher grounds, you by definition, are someone to be looked up to ! 

RESPECT WITHOUT DOMINANCE


OUR WORTHINESS TO DESERVE IT

SHOULD YOU BLINDLY RESPECT your elders, your government, your teachers, and your spiritual leaders ? What if these people weren’t behaving in a way that it will endanger respect ? What if they were flawed human beings who don’t practice what they preach, or who takes advantage of their position ? What if they don’t have the knowledge or insight truly necessary to lead and ” do the right thing ” ! What is respect ? It’s not something that you get just because you are put in a position—- after all, any system is prone to manipulation, be it voting for a political figure, getting a position of authority in a company that you deserve, or finding yourself in charge of something because there were just wasn’t anyone else around to takes care of it ! True respect, is a feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities and achievements. What about if you earned respect because you chose to do the right thing, honor others, walk your talk and stay above the fury, even when you wanted to jump down into the mud with those who are taunting you ? What if you earned respect because you treated others with compassion and care, and remembered that, deep down, human beings are all wired with the same needs and concerned.


GAINING RESPECT IN OUR LIVES

IF YOU ARE A PERSON WHO WANTS to be respected because you are deserving of respect based on your qualities, the following should be observe, VIZ :

ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS :
Just because you say you are a person of integrity or that you know what you are doing or that you care about people, does not makes it true. The adage ” talk is cheap ” applies here. Talk all you want, but it’s what you do that matters. And remember, people are watching: If you chose the wrong path and never admit your mistakes, or you try to protect those who have done wrong, you will dig a deeper hole to rise from when you are trying to earn respect. Do what you would do if your actions would be plastered on the front page of the newspaper.
CRUEL, WEAKNESS NOT STRENGTH :
There are those who are cruel to the ones who are perceived to be ” beneath ” them. It is easy to be cruel to a person or animal who has no chance to fight back or even the score. But exerting your power in this circumstances does not earn you respect; it shows you to be a weak individual who does not deserve respect. The truly powerful person subjugates themselves to those who are ” weaker. ”
FAILURE OF ABILITIES AND ACHIEVEMENTS- but qualities of characters stays with
you for a lifetime. All things in life are transitional. The mighty will fall, you can’t take it with you, and nothing lasts forever. If you want to garner respect, do so when you are up, when you are down, and when you are in the middle. To be actually respected person, you don’t need trappings: ” you need the right actions. “
TAKE THE HIGHER GROUND :
It’s so much safer up there. In fact, so many people want to stay down at the lower levels and dukes it out to show their strength that when you take the higher grounds, you by definition, are someone to be looked up to !

FAILURE IN LOVE SACRIFICE

MOST RELATIONSHIPS FAILED. Why can’t we find love and why don’t relationships lasts ? Paradoxically, as much as we want love, we also fear it. Fear of not being loved is one of the reasons we don’t find love or sabotage it in our relationships. In other words, we can create our worst fear by trying to avoid it. This may sound ridiculous to people who pursue love but attract distances. We’d all like to blame our partner or bad luck. There are hidden reasons we thwart love. Our fears aren’t usually conscious. They include physical or emotional abandonment that includes fear of rejection and fear of being unloved and alone. Toxic shame is the main culprit that feeds this fear that sabotage love.


FACTORS THWARTING LOVE

S H A M E :
Shame foster the beliefs that we are unlovable and unworthy of connection. Our beliefs motivate our feelings and behavior. They’re like an operating system in our mind-ware. Unfortunately, many negative beliefs run in the background and like viruses, derail our conscious intentions. Shame-based ideas that are undeserving of good, happiness and love can sabotage our desires and blocked or pushed love away. We won’t believe we’re acceptable to others, if we don’ accept ourselves. However, we change our beliefs.
LOW SELF-ESTEEM AND JUDGMENT :
Shame creates an inner critic who judges us harshly. Our critic also judges others. It can convinced us that we’re being judged. This anxiety farther proves that we’re unworthy of love. In fact, we’re so anxious about not being loved that we make false assumptions, filters out positive feedback, and misinterpret things to reinforce our negative self-judgment and fears of rejection. Not surprisingly, research shows that the level of our self-esteem is predictive of the longevity of our relationships.
G U I L T :
Shame also create guilt. Guilt is an anger turned against ourselves. It makes us not feel entitled to success, to happiness and to love. In relationships, guilt blocks intimacy. We avoid closeness and certain topics to hide what we’re afraid of or ashamed to reveal for fear of rejection or abandonment. This is especially true when we’ve been dishonest in the relationship. Until we’ve forgiven ourselves fully, we won’t feel worthy of love. We can move forward and may even attract negative experiences and unsuitable partner. Self-forgiveness is entirely possible and is encouraged by all world religions.
P E R F E C T I O N I S M :
When we feel flawed and not enough, we might cope by trying to be perfect and beyond reproach. Perfectionism is a compulsive attempt to attain unreasonable standards and expectations. This is of course impossible, and leads to anxiety, fear of feelings, irritability and unhappiness.
S E L F – S A C R I F I C E :
When we sacrifice our values or needs to please our partners, it is to maintain the relationship due to the fear of abandonment. We may feel unworthy or selfish when asking for our needs and wants, so we continue to accommodate our partner. THIS ESTABLISHES AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP DYNAMICS BY CEDING POWER AND CONTROL TO HIM OR HER. WE END UP BY FEELING TRAPPED, LIKE A VICTIM AND RESENTFUL. NO MATTER HOW WE JUSTIFY IT TO OURSELVES, WHEN OUR BEHAVIOR IS NOT ALIGNED WITH OUR STANDARDS, WE FEEL GUILT OR SHAME THAT WHITTLE AWAY AT OUR SELF-ESTEEM AND SELF-WORTH. BY ABANDONING OURSELVES, WE JEOPARDIZE THE VERY RELATIONSHIP THAT WE ARE TRYING TO SPARE.

RESCINDING THE EFFECTS OF BETRAYAL

THERE IS A MARKED DIFFERENCE in preserving an existing relationship and committing to build a new one out of the rubbles. The pain and sorrows that accompanies an anguishing rift in trust does not easily dissipate. Both partners must be fully committed to whatever it takes to learn from what has happened and turn towards a believable future. Even when there are strong feelings of guilt, fear, anger, hurt, insecurity, self-doubt and humiliation, many intimate partners may still has a bond that do not want to end. Their relationship may still be deeply connected to friends, families, religious or spiritual ideals, financial stability, and their mutual important history. They may also abhor facing social judgment that can span from support to shame. Both partners struggle to balance between continuing a besieged relationship and experiencing the grip of splitting up.

BETRAYAL COMES IN MANY FORMS. When couples look back in time, they realize that some might have been predictable. Others seems to have crept up, without the partners realizing that an inevitable breach is about to occur. Even when a relationships seems healthy and unassailable, they can fall prey to a betrayal that cannot be easily predicted or explained.


DERIDING AVOIDANCE OF BETRAYAL

MOST PEOPLE HOLDS THE WORD BETRAYAL as synonymous with infidelity. Perhaps, that is because it is the most common form of broken trust in an intimate relationship, and it represents the most basic elements that destroy faith between intimate partners. Committed partners traditionally promises one another that they will remain faithful for the duration of their relationship and they use that sacred agreement as the foundation of all other trusts between them. When one breaks that promise, the fall out from that deception infiltrates the sexual, emotional, mental, and spiritual bond that couple have based their love upon.

THOUGH BOTH MEN AND WOMEN share many overlapping emotional responses to being betrayed by a partner, men often experienced the loss differently. Even if they initially try to see their partner as having been taken advantage of by that other man, they eventually come to the realization that their deceiving partner have to have had a part in her decision, making it harder to forgive him or her.

THE STING OF BEING REPLACED and the fear of loss, often eclipse their legitimate feelings of betrayal. Those confusing contradictions are most often manifested in alternate feelings of rage and grief.


FACING THE CHALLENGES OF BETRAYAL

THOUGH INFIDELITY ENCOMPASSES AREAS that are familiar to most, there are other breaches of trust that can be as equally destructive to a relationship. They produce similar feelings and reactions and the same challenges for couples to overcome. Then, if betrayal is so destructive to most relationships, do couples find themselves so often enmeshed in them, and what do they need to understand to not only make them less likely to happen but possible to overcome ?

WHEN A COUPLE COMMIT to a relationship, they agree to follow the ethics, values, and behaviors that will ensure that their relationship continues to thrive. Depending on how well they know themselves and each other, they make those agreement in good faith, and trust that each other will live by them.

EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS UNIQUE, AND EACH STORY IS DIFFERENT. NO ONE SHOULD FEEL GUILTY IF HE OR SHE CANNOT GET BEYOND THE AFTERMATH OF A SEVERE BREACH OF TRUST. BY THE SAME TOKEN, NO PARTNER WHO STILL LOVED THE OTHER SHOULD RUN FROM A POTENTIALLY QUALITY RELATIONSHIP THAT HAS TEMPORARILY LOST ITS MOORINGS. THOUGH THE PATH TO A THRIVING RECONCILIATION CAN BE DIFFICULT AND LONG, MANY INTIMATE PARTNERS WHO HAVE FALLEN INTO THE CHASM OF BROKEN TRUST, NOT ONLY CAN FIND THEIR WAY BACK TO EACH OTHER, BUT CAN DO SO WITH A NEW AND DEEPER FAITH IN THEMSELVES AND THEIR NEW RELATIONSHIP.

AWARENESS ABOUT LOVE AND EMOTIONS

EMOTIONS CAN BE USEFUL only if they influence the future, so it is not surprising that they are around mainly by events that change our appraisals of whether we will be able to reach our goal. Events that indicates that our effort will succeed aroused hope. Events that suggests that our efforts are futile, foster despair. We experienced hope and despair, not at the beginning or end, but in the midst of our long-term efforts. These efforts arise from the deep values of culture and their individuals, so social attitudes towards hope for their success and despair st their likely failure are not taken lightly. In fact, most cultures have norms that specify the correct attitudes towards hope and despair. Attempts such as this article, to think about hope and despair are outside of this norms, tends to arouse opposition. So we will proceed slowly at first.

FOR SEVERAL REASONS, social ideologies are biased in favor of hope. First, , and most obviously, hope can relieved suffering, so people naturally prefer it to despair just as they prefer drugs that relieve anxiety to those that cause it. Not only that we prefer hope to despair in ourselves, we have similar strong preferences for others.


CONSCIOUSNESS ABOUT HOPE AND DESPAIR

NOTHING IS MORE GRACEFUL than habitual cheerfulness, which is founded upon a peculiar relish for all the little pleasure which common occurences afford. We readily sympathize with it: it inspires us with the same joy, and makes every trifle turn to us in he same agreeable aspect which it presents itself to the person endowed with this happy disposition. It is quite otherwise with grief. Small vexation excite no sympathy, but deep affliction calls for the greatest. He or she who is made uneasy by every little disagreeable incident, who is hurt if either somebody have failed in the least article of his or her duty, who feels every defeat in the highest ceremonial of politeness, whether it be shown to himself or herself to any other person, who takes it amiss that his or her intimate friends did not bid him or her good-morrow when they meet them in the forenoon.

TO UNDERSTAND THE BENEFITS and the lost of hope and despair, requires a search for the situations in which they give benefits. This in turn, demands a deep look at how natural selection shaped the mechanisms that regulates our behavior, especially the capacities for pleasures and happiness, and pain and sufferings.


THE EVOLUTION OF EMOTIONS

THE BRAIN AND MIND ARE SHAPED by natural selection to serve a global foundation to process information in order to control behavior and physiology in ways that maximize inclusive fitness. Our capacity for enjoyment(especially happiness and pleasure) and suffering(especially pain and sadness) seems to be central components of that mechanism. Their expressions seems tightly linked to the likely effects of a situation on DARWINIAN FITNESS. But have the the capacity for enjoyment and sufferings been shaped by natural selection ?

ATTEMPTS TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS aroused confusion and controversy, but they are of profound philosophical and practical importance. Religious, philosophies, political ideologies, and therapeutic system all attributes human suffering to some cause or another, whether desire, social pathology, evil, original sin, economic inequity, distorted thinking, or genetic defects. What are we to make all these apparent irrationality ? The benefits of commitment strategies may explain much. An individual can strongly influence the behavior of others by convincing them that he or she will do something that is not in his or her best interests. It is one thing to experience hope or despair for oneself. But it is something else to have a sense that all life or all societies, or all people are a source for hope or despair.

DESPAIR IS USEFUL AT TIMES FOR INDIVIDUALS, BUT AT THE SOCIAL LEVEL IT PERPETUATES THE STATUS QUO. HEREIN LIES A PARADOX—- HOPE AT THE INDIVIDUAL LEVEL IS FUNDAMENTALLY CONSERVATIVE, BUT HOPE AT THE SOCIAL LEVEL, DEEPLY THREATENS THOSE ON TOP.

WILL MARRIAGE WORKS WITHOUT LOVE ?

IF YOU ARE IN A MARRIAGE WITHOUT LOVE, it may seems hopeless and you may feel helpless. Instead of wondering how to stay in a marriage without love, you should focus your energies on what to do when there is no love in marriage. Remember, you once loved this person and they loved you, but now that has gone away and you are left with a shell of the relationship you once had with no love in the marriage.

SO, CAN THE MARRIAGE works without love ? Can a marriage survive without love ? If you are both dedicated to making/getting the marriage works, and you want to fall in love all over again, then you’re already a step ahead of the game. It takes effort and dedication from both parties, but you can improve things and be happy together again. There is something that caused you to stop feeling the love, and more than likely it was just life’s circumstances. Though you may fear that you have lost each other, it is a mater of reintroducing yourself to this person that stands before you. It is important to note that it means you both have to work at things and you both have to be willing to fix things—- but you can find that love again and make your marriage better than ever before. And for those looking at fixing marriages without love, try to go with an open mind and a positive attitude. Remember, if you are both willing to try, then you can improve a marriage without love and get things back to normal again.


FIXING MARRIAGE WITHOUT LOVE

START COMMUNICATING :
This is by far one of the most important elements of making your work again. Somewhere along the way, the 2 of you stopped talking effectively. Life got in the way, children became the priority, and you become 2 strangers that just passed each other in the hallway. Start making communication your mission and begin to really talk again. Make it a priority to chat with each other, even if it’s just for a few minutes at the end of the night. Talk about things other than the functional everyday tasks, and you will start to see each other in a whole new light. Communication is at the epicenter of a successful marriage, so to start talking and see how this helps improve things for the 2 of you.
GET BACK TO THE BASICS :
If marriage without love is stifling your happiness, try to recapture who you were when you were first together. There is something that made the 2 of you fall in love with each other, and you need to find that again. There was a time when you are happy and in love, and you need to think back to that time. Transport yourself in your mind to the early days when life are great and were carefree as a couple. When you were only committed to each other and you loved each other above everything else. If you want to improve a marriage without love, then you need to fall in love with each other again. Mentally think through the early days of your relationship and marriage, and use those positive thoughts to move you forward. It’s easier to be happy with each other when you reflect upon what brought you together in the first place !
ADD EXCITEMENT AND SPONTANEITY TO THE RELATIONSHIP :
It’s easy to feel as though you’ve fallen out of love when go through the same boring routine each day. In a marriage without love, add a little excitement and work at the physical intimacy one night. When you add that spark and make things a bit exciting, no matter what you have going on, then it can really work. You get to reintroduced yourself to your spouse and you remember why you got together in the first place.
MAKE EACH OTHER A PRIORITY :
To break the unhealthy patterns in a marriage without love, you need to make time for the just the 2 of you. Sometimes, life just gets in the way, and it’s up to you to make each other a priority. Sure you have a lot going on, but when you stop to take the time to make each other a true priority in life, then it makes the other person feel appreciated and cherished. When there is no love in marriage, make time for just the 2 of you—- whether it’s a good chat, snuggling in front of a favorite show, or going out for a date. Making each other a priority and find ways of connecting, is truly the secret to fixing a marriage without love. Think why you married each other and celebrate that as often as possible, and your relationship will blossom because of it, while the sting of marriage without love will become a thing of the past.

LIVING IN A MARRIAGE WITHOUT LOVE

STAYING IN A MARRIAGE WITHOUT LOVE, stunts the growth of 2 married individuals as a couple. No love in marriage spell the death knell for relationship satisfaction. Unfortunately for some, life’s circumstances thrust them in a situation of living a loveless marriage. If you had already walked the path to bringing love in marriage, but see no tangible improvement, then living without love in marriage is a bitter reality for you.

IN SUCH A SCENARIO, YOU EITHER WALK AWAY OR IF YOU CHOSE TO STAY YOU LOOK FOR HELP ON HOW TO STAY IN MARRIAGE WITHOUT LOVE, WAYS TO BE HAPPY IN A LOVELESS MARRIAGE AND REDEFINE WHAT YOU WANT FROM YOUR MARRIAGE. IN SUCH ARRANGEMENT, COUPLES ARE BEYOND SEEKING ANSWERS TO HOW TO FIX A MARRIAGE WITHOUT LOVE. THE MARRIAGE IS FUNCTIONAL IN NATURE, WHERE THE PARTNERSHIP REQUIRES COOPERATION, STRUCTURE, EQUITABLE DISTRIBUTION OF WORKS AND RESPONSIBILITIES AND A SENSE OF AGREEMENT BETWEEN COUPLES.