Relationship goals

FOSTERING WORTHINESS IN A RELATIONSHIP


UNDERSTANDING THE ESSENCE AND VALUES OF LOVE

SELF-ESTEEM NOT ONLY AFFECTS how we think about ourselves, but also how much love we’re able to received and how we treat others, especially in intimate relationships. A person’s initial level of self-esteem prior to the relationship predicts partner’s common relationship satisfaction. More specifically, although happiness generally declines slightly over time, this isn’t true for people who enter a relationship with higher level of self-esteem. The seteepest decline is for people whose self-esteem was lower to begin with. Frequently, those relationships won’t last. Even though communicaion skills, emotionality, and stress all influence a relationship, a person’s past experience and personality traits affects how these issues are managed, and therefore, have a greatest bearing on its outcome.


OUR SELF-WORTH TO A RELATIONSHIP

SELF-ESTEEM SUFFERS when you grow up in a dysfunctional family. Often, you don’t have a voice. Your opinions and desires aren’t taken seriously. Parents have usually cool-self-esteem and are unhappy with each other. They themselves neither have nor good model relaionships skills, including cooperation, healthy boundaries, assertiveness and conflict resolution. They maybe abusive, or just indifferent, preoccupied, controlling, interferring,manipulative or inconsistent. Their children’s feelings and personal traits tends to be shamed.

AS A RESULT OF THEIR INSECURITY, shame and impaired self-esteem, children develops an attachment style that, to varying degrees, is anxious or avoidant. Anxiety can leads you to sacrifice your needs and please and accommodate your partners. Due to basic insecurity, you’re preoccupied with the relationship and highly attuned to your partner, worrying that he or she wants less closeness. But because you don’t get your needs met, you become unhappy. Adding to this, you take things personally with a negaive twist, protecting negative outcome. Low self-esteem makes you hide your truth so as not to ” MAKE WAVES, “ which compromises real intimacy. You may also be jealous of your partner’s attention to others and call or text frequently, even when asked not to. Neither styles contributes to satisfying relationships.


COMMUNICATION AND SELF-ESTEEM

CODEPENDENTS, GENERALLY HAVE problems with assertiveness. At the same time, they deny their feelings and needs, due to the fact that they were shamed or ignored in their childhood. They also consciously suppress what they think and feel so as not to anger or alienate their partner and risk criticism or emotional abandonment. Instead, they rely on mind reading, asking questions, caretaking, blaming, lying, criticising, avoiding problems or ignoring, or controlling their partner.

WE ALL HAVE NEEDS FOR BOTH separateness and individuality, as well as for being close and connected. Autonomy requires self-esteem—- both necessary in relationships. It’s an ability to stand on your own and trust and motivate yourself. But when you don’t like yourself, you’re in miserable company spending time alone. IT TAKES COURAGE TO COMMUNICATE IN AN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP—- COURAGE THAT COMES WITH SELF-ACCEPTANCE, WHICH ENABLES YOU TO VALUE AND HONOR YOUR FEELINGS AND NEEDS AND RISK CRITICISM OR REJECTION IN VOICING THEM. THIS ALSO MEANS YOU FEEL DESERVING OF LOVE AND ARE COMFORTABLE RECEIVING IT. YOU WOULDN’T WASTE YOUR TIME PURSUING SOMEONE UNAVAILABLE OR PUSH AWAY SOMEONE WHO LOVED YOU AND MET YOUR NEEDS.

HAVING NO REGRETS IN LOVE


ACCEPTING RISK IN A RELATIONSHIP

EVERY RELATIONSHIP WE EMBARK ON involves a risk. It involves the risk that things might not work out; that even after pouring your time. People falls in and outof love everyday. For those who are in the midst of it, it does not feel like an everyday experience. It feels as if the earth is out of….. love without limits—-meaning to love freely and openly without holding back anything. LOVE WITHOUT REGRET—- meaning to live life without feeling realized they will be able to spend eternity loving each other the way love is truly meant to be. Heaven is love without regret. In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take. Whether you are in a relationship or not, the experience of love is one of the best things in life, when you love.

OUR LIVES ARE MEANT TO BE LIVED fullly and completely without regret. Or looking for love, romance without regret will hand you the tools you need in order to know the difference between love. Our love is complicated. No one knew about it. Management is the reason others quit it all.


LOVE BEGETS LOVE

THE EXPERIENCE OF LOVE IS ONE of the best things in life. When you love someone, let both your words and deeds be loving. No one is promised tomorrow, so tell your loved ones each day how much they mean to you. Not only will your relationship grows, but you will as well. So, often we so busy trying to live up to the expectations of others that we do not allow ourselves to follow our own dream. Pursue the longings of your heart. When we ignore them, we miss the opportunity to reach our full potentials and exprience that deep fulfillment that following our dreams can offer.

YOUR INTUITION IS YOUR BEST source of guidance. Whereas, rational decisions comes from your thinking mind only, your gut is that “ALL-KNOWING” part of you that if paid close attention to and acted on, will never lead you astray. When we use logic as our primary thinking mode, we miss many opportunities that our gut may have led us to. Keep your work. To fully participate in all aspects of life, such as spending time with loved ones and enjoying meaningful activities, we should leave work at work. Without aproper work/life balance, we miss out on the things that are most important to us. When we reach the end of our lives, it is not the work that matters, but the people we loved.


TAKING RISK IN LIFE LESS SERIOUSLY

STAYING WITHIN OUR COMFORT ZONE MAYBE SAFE, but it is impossible to achieve greatness by living cautiously. Identifying one way each day to move outside our familiar comfort zone will help us take the risk needed to propel us forward and achieve a fuller, more gratifying life. Life is far too short to be spent worrying about things that are beyond our control. Allow happiness and fun to be part of your life each day. Being mindful to the good that is present in all situations can help us not to take life so seriously and is a key ingredient to having a more enjoyable life. Be yourself all the time, but it is the truth. We have our own values, beliefs and personality traits, and desires. When we deny any authentic part of ourselves, we die a little death in the inside. Our uniqueness makes us who we are. By being true to ourselves, we also gives everyone else permission to do the same.


FOSTERING KINDNESS AND FORGIVENESS

INTENTIONAL KINDNESS is life-giving. It works wonders in putting people at ease and improvig relationships. A smile or kind gesture can make someone’s day brighter. Being kind is any easy practice that enhances our own lives and the lives of others, whether we know them or not. At some point in life, we all have been hurt. How we deal with that hurt is up to us. SOME PEOPLE STAY STUCK IN BITTERNESS THEIR ENTIRE LIVES AND NEVER MOVE BEYOND THE PAIN. BY CHOOSING TO FORGIVE, WE RELEASE OURSELVES FROM THE GRIP OF RESENTMENT AND CAN MOVE FORWARD IN OUR LIVES. OUR LIVES ARE MEANT TO BE LIVED FULLY AND COMPLETELY, WITHOUT REGRET. WE NEVER KNOW HOW LONG WE LIVE, SO LET’S START LIVING A LIFE FREE OF REGRETS TODAY AND EVERYDAY.

THE IMPORTANCE OF COMMITMENT WHILE BEING IN LOVE


UNDERSTANDING THE VALUE OF COMMITMENT TO LOVE

COMMITMENT IS NOT A VOGUE. Instead, relationships without commitment appears to be on the rise. Non-committal people say to each other ” I love you, ” but what they really mean is ” I want to be with you today. A better opportunity may open up tomorrow, and if so, i’ll take it. ” This is perhaps, not surprising. Dating apps have made meeting new people fairly easy(depending on one’s location), so why not take the advantage ? Why deny yourself the chance of meeting someone new, and perhaps, more interesting ? No less importantly, one can avoid blame for having multiple affairs simultaneously by simply never making any promises while there is something to be said for remaining non-committal and keeping one’s options open. When we first fall in love with someone, the mind of the other is to a great extent intransparent to us. Did he or she really mean it when he/she said he/she likes us too ? Has he or she changed his or her mind ? Did he or she enjoy our night or he/she being polite in saying he or she did ? At this stage, we often try to gauge the other’s thoughts, feelings and interests indirectly, by doing such things as talking to other people who is the object of our affection or spying on the other on social media. Due to this perceived initial impenetrability of the other’s mind, at the start of a relationship, nothing the other says is sufficient to give us the reassurance we seek. Anything and everything can make us jealous and insecure. We don’t know the other well enough to know where dangers maybe lurking. We underscore our tendency to see the object of a romantic interest as intransparent and unknowable when we are jealous, as we are apt to be in the early stages of a relationship. ” Jealousy is never satisfied with anything short of an omniscience that would detect the subtlest folds of the heart. “

WHENCE THIS INTRANSPARENCY ? We always knew little about the minds of others, but we don’t notice this because we don’t particularly care about what most people think and feel. As soon as we become seriously interested— as when we fall in love— we find that we don’t know. Jealousy reveals to us how obscure the lives of others are :

It is one of the faculties of jealousy to reveal to us the extent to which the reality of external facts and the sentiments of the heart are an unknown element which lends itself to endless supposition. We imagine that we know exactly what things are and what people think for the simple reason that we don’t care about them. But as soon as we have the desire to know, as the jealous man or woman does, then it becomes a dizzy kaleidoscope in which we can no longer distinguish anything.
WHEN THE OBJECT OF LOVE LENDS ITSELF to endless interpretation in this way, he or she remains unscrutable, an ” Other ” whose mind is hidden from view and whose motives are a matter of conjecture, never of knowledge. The impenetrability of the other’s mind at this point precludes intimacy. For this reason, falling in love is quiet different from love. When the other, at this early stage, addresses us by name or by saying ” YOU, ” we may find this exhilarating. The object of romantic interest is, in that moment, an opaque other we try to interpret from an external point of view, but someone who talks to us. Being addressed directly in this way, gives us hope that the other’s mind will not remain forever unreadable. A door, a channel of communication—however narrow— has opened up, connecting us to the object of attraction. There is hope for love. If we get lucky, as the relationship evolves, we need to rely less and less on indirect evidence of the other’s thoughts and motives. Instead, we can simply accepts what the other says to us. Trust develops, and our conversations play a key role in this development. At one point, 2 lovers may get to know each other so well that conversation—- which is so crucial in the beginning — becomes almost unnecessary. They can ” read ” each other’s minds. Silence itself becomes intimate.

A PERSON WHO IS VERY JEALOUS by nature maybe incapable of forming a WE-composite with the object of his or her affection. To the jealous lover, the other’s mental life remains subject to endless interpretation and conjecture, which breeds separateness and extinguishes closeness. The relationship never progresses beyond the initial state during which the other’s mind is seen as impenetrable, though here, perceived impenetrability maybe on one side only. THIS CAN EASILY LEAD TO A FAILED RELATIONSHIP AND TO MISERY. NONETHELESS, TO BE UNWILLING TO MAKE A COMMITMENT AT ALL IS PROBABLY THE BIGGER DANGER. THE RELATIONSHIP MAY NOT TURN OUT TO BE WHAT YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD. THE OTHER MAY NOT, AFTER ALL, BE YOUR SOULMATE. BUT IF YOU NEVER MAKE A COMMITMENT, YOU WILL ALWAYS BE ALONE. FAILURE TO FIND LOVE IS, IN ONE CASE, A POSSIBILITY, WHILE IN THE OTHER— IT IS CERTAIN. A SOULMATE IS NOT SIMPLY SOMEONE WHO IS A GOOD MATCH, BUT SOMEONE WE ARE COMMITTED TO, AND WHO IS COMMITTED TO US.

A NON-COMMITTED INTIMACY


ABSENCE OF COMMITMENT IN A RELATIONSHIP

CURRENTLY, COMMITMENT is not in vogue. Instead, relationship without commitment appears to be on the rise. Non-committal people say to each other ” I LOVE YOU, “ but what they really mean is ” I want to be with you today. A better opportunities may open up tomorrow, and if so, i’ll take it. ” This is perhaps not surprising. While there is something to be said for remaining non-committal and keeping one’s options open—- what we would like to argue here is that lack of commitment puts us on a path to loneliness.

WHEN WE FIRST FALL IN LOVE with someone, the mind of the other is to a great extent not transparent to us. At this state, we often try to gauge the other’s thoughts, feelings and interest indirectly, by doing such things talking to other people who knows the object of our affections or spying on the other on the media. Due to this perceived initial impenetrability of the other’s mind, at the start of a relationship, nothing the other says is sufficient to give us assurance we seek. Anything and everything can makes us jealous and insecure. We don’t know the other well enough to know where danger maybe lurking.


KNOWING A COMMITMENT WITHOUT LOVE

OUR TENDENCY TO SEE THE OBJECT of a romantic interest as not transparent and unknowable when we are jealous, as we are apt to be in the early stages of a relationship. Jealousy is never satisfied with anything short with an omniscience that would detect the subtlest folds of the heart. We always knows little about the minds of others, but we don’t notice this, because we don’t particularly care about what most people think and feel. As soon as we become seriously interested—- as when we fall in love—- we find that we don’t know. Jealousy reveals to us how obscure the mental lives of others are.

IT IS ONE OF THE FACULTIES of jealousy to reveal to us the extent to which the reality of external facts and the sentiments of the heart are an unknown element which lend itself to endless supposition. We imagine that we know exactly what things are and what people think for the simple reason that we don’t care about them. But as soon as we have he desire to know, as the jealous man or woman does, then it will become a dizzy kaleidoscope in which we can no longer distinguish anything.


NON-COMMITTAL IN FALLING IN LOVE

WHEN THE OBJECT OF LOVE lends itself to endless interpretation in this way, he or she remains inscrutable, an ” OTHER ” whose mind is hidden from view and whose motives are a matter of conjecture, never of knowledge. The impenetrability of the other’s mind at this point precludes intimacy. Fr this reason, falling in love is quite different from love. When the other at this early stage, addresses by name, or by saying “YOU,” we may find this exhilarating. The object of romantic interest is, in that moment not an opaque other we try to interpret from an external point of view, but someone who talks to us. Being addressed in this way gives us hope that the other’s mind will not remain forever unreadable. A door, a channel of communication—-however narrow—- has opened up connecting us to the object of attraction. There is hope for love.

IF WE GOT LUCKY AS THE RELATIONSHIP EVOLVES, we need to rely less and less on indirect evidence of the other’s thoughts and motives. Instead, we can simply accept what the others says to us. Trust develops and our conversation plays a key role in this development. At one point, 2 lovers may get to know each other so well that conversation—- which is so crucial in the beginning—- becomes almost unnecessary. They can ” READ ” each other’s minds. Silence itself becomes intimate.


FINDING LOVE ALONG THE WAY

SOMETHING ELSE HAPPENS when find love. There emerges the composite of 2 lovers, a first-person plural perspective. Of course, a perspective in pronoun language may emerged in a variety of context. In all these cases, while each may do his or her part, people are not acting as individuals only, but part of a collective.

HOWEVER, THESE ARE TEMPORARY, local alliances. Romantic intimacy is global, and it persists. 2 people who love each other romantically don’t makes important plan without consulting their partner. They don’t think to themselves. Instead, they think of what they will do together. It is precisely this togetherness that makes 2 people a ” COUPLE. ” It is also the reason why we no longer feel alone once we find love.

SOMETIMES, WHEN LOVE IS GONE, ONE PARTNER MAY SAY TO THE OTHER ” WE CAN WORK THIS OUT, ” TO WHICH THE OTHER MAY REPLY ” THERE IS NO WE ” —- ALLEGING THAT THE WE— COMPOSITE HAS DISINTEGRATED. LOVE HAS CEASED TO FUNCTION AS GLUE CONNECTING THE 2 LOVERS, AND THEY HAVE BECOME SEPARATE AND FULLY INDEPENDENT ONCE AGAIN. … ✍✍ 👍 💢 💥 ✨ ✅

INFRAGILITY WHILE BEING IN LOVE


HAVING A LOVE SO STRONG

WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEONE WHOLEHEARTEDLY, you will give them your all, inside and out. You will make them see your true self and that’s the exact moment when you give yourself to them, without realizing that they could break your heart in a second. Is it possible to love someone so deep it makes you stronger instead of feeling fragile ? We all want to love and feel strong at the same time. We all want the kind of love which never breaks us into parts. The kind of love which feels secure and full of answers instead of doubts. The kind of love which makes us feels content for just being ourselves, the kind of love which makes us feels authentic and honest.

IT MAKES YOU BRAVE ENOUGH to speak your heart out and makes you feel carefree. It makes you feel careless, because you will be attached without the feeling of being chained; a real love ignites your soul and nourishes it with compassion. Loving someone without being vulnerable means that you sincerely makes yourself as their home, without expecting them to be yours. It happens when you realize that you are your own home and you don’t need their presence to feel secure. It happens when you let the door open for them and let them leave without hoping that they will come back. It happens when you support them reach their highest goals, without expecting them to thank you in the end.


EMPOWERING LOVE INVULNERABILITY

LOVING SOMEONE WITHOUT being vulnerable means that you generally cares for their happiness, without making their actions towards you becomes your happiness. It happens when you send prayers without expecting them to do the same. It happens when you help them get up back again after failures without hoping that they will catch you when you fall. It happens when you remember their special days and feel OKAY if they don’t remember yours.

LOVING SOMEONE WITHOUT being vulnerable, means that you let them choose to whom they will give their heart. It happens you fully realize that you can’t make people stay and they have the right to leave. It happens when you believe that the affections should be given freely without being asked. It happens when you know the right people will always find their way back to you and vice versa. Loving someone without vulnerable, means that you always prepare yourself to let them go.


LOVING SOMEONE AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF

LOVING SOMEONE WITHOUT being vulnerable only happens when you don’t expect any reciprocation from the other person. The only thing that you do for them is loving and giving, without having any expectations. As bitter as it sounds, sometimes your expectation is the only thing that breaks your heart apart. You are the one who hurts your own heart because you expect them to love you the same way you love them.

YOU NEED TO ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE THE ONE WHO CONTROLS YOUR OWN FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS. WHEN YOU WANT TO LOVE, LOVE AS DEEPLY AS POSSIBLY CAN, BUT DON’T BE BLINDED BY EMOTIONS AND DON’T FORGET TO KEEP YOUR EXPECTATIONS ON GUARD. REMEMBER THAT YOU CAN’T EXPECT SOMEONE TO LOVE YOU AS PURELY AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF. AT THE END OF THE DAY, WHEN YOU’RE ABLE TO LOVE YOURSELF AS DEEPLY AS YOU LOVE ANOTHER PERSON, THAT’S THE EXACT TIME YOU CAN LOVE SOMEONE WITHOUT BEING VULNERABLE.

What Are Life Lessons a Long Distance Relationship Teaches You?

Relationshiplongdistance

You may think that a long distance relationship will be hard and miserable since both of you live far away from each other just like the quote says “ The farther the distance is, the farther the heart is.” But actually, it is not really like that. Indeed, a long distance relationship teaches you 5 life lessons that you can learn.

You learn to be patient.

Long distance relationships will teach you to be patient. Since a long distance requires you to wait for your partner, you must be patient enough to wait for your partner.

You challenge alone time.

Having a partner, but they live far away from you is really challenging, for it can make you feel like you don’t really have a partner. Going through alone time can also make you feel alone since you could wish to spend every minute with your favorite person. However, it is also a good opportunity for you to be independent, and when you meet a problem, you know that it’s you and only you to solve the problem.

You build trust.

Building trust is really, really important when you are in a relationship. You could lack trust when your partner lives far away from you because you may feel that your partner may find someone else who is better than you. However, if you learn to build your trust by trusting your partner, it will strengthen your relationship and even yourself.

You become more understanding.

Since you both live in a different city or province, you are more aware of what your partner is doing. Instead of judging, you learn to develop your understanding toward your partner that can keep your relationship stronger.

THE GRIEF WHEN SOMEONE LEAVES YOU


THE PAIN OF LETTING GO

OVER THE COURSE OF TIME, it seems love has gotten all mixed up with pain and grief. You realized your pain has become the expression of love lost, the way you honor your loved one, the one consistent link between life with them and life without them, and an element of proof that their life an indelible mark on those they leave behind. Apparently, while you were wishing the pain of grief away, it turned into something else entirely. Maybe, in some ways, grief has even come to define you in the context of life after loss. Who are you if you are not someone grieving the loss of someone special ? And who are they if you are not here in life, holding vigil for them ?


THOUGHTS AND CONCERNS ABOUT GRIEF

YOUR SUFFERING IS A SIGN of how much your loved one meant to you. If you’re not suffering, your love for them must be diminishing. The only thing that keeps you connected to your loved ones and keeps their memory alive, is the deep pain of your grief. Any little piece of that grief that disappear is another piece of your loved one disappearing. It is common to feel extremely conflicted about feeling better and, although it may not seem rational, it is also common to gravitate towards the pain. When it feels like the alternative to feeling pain is losing connection to your loved ones, what other choice do you have ?

YOUR LOVED ONE’S MEMORY lives in you. It lives in the stories that you tell people about your loved one. It lives in the memories you shared together with friends and families. It lives in things that your loved ones taught you. It lives in the things you do in their honor and memory. It lives in every silly little things you do to stay connected to them—- from taking photographs, to listening to music they loved, to whatever other things you do to continue the bonds. Reminders, once equalled sad—- so it isn’t a far leap to think if the pain starts to go away that these things mean less to you—- which meansyour loved one’s memory is disappearing—- which means your loved to them is diminishing.

WE, AS HUMANS ARE CAPABLE of some amazing things, like resilience and adaptability. As you get farther from your loss, the pain starts to ease just a bit. What you must realize is, not that your loved one is disappearing as your pain diminishes; rather, you are learning to live with the memory of your loved one in a different way.


OVERCOMING SORROWS

EMBRACE THE IDEA THAT as pain diminishes, you may actually find more space to continue bonds and to keep your loved one’s memory alive. Make a conscious decision to continue bonds, your connection to your loved ones can be part of daily life, even as you move forward and find a ” NEW NORMAL. ” So, figure out what that looks like for you, and use these ideas to ger started. You maybe surprised to see that, as you find positive ways to continue bonds with the person you have lost, you can let go of more and more of the pain without fear that you are letting go of the person you love.

THEN ONE DAY, YOU LOOK AROUND and realize you can see a little further in front of you, things are more colorful, and they’re coming into clarity. The days start getting a little bit easier, the nights a little more restful. The tears come a little less, and things like laughter, joy, and gratitude are once again a part of your emotional repertoire.

THE SMALLEST SILVER OF LIGHTS CUTS INTO THE DARK AND YOU REALIZE THAT THIS MUST BE WHAT ” HEALING FROM GRIEF ” LOOKS LIKE. YOU ALSO REALIZE, THAT PROGRESS DOESN’T FEEL AS SWEET AS YOU IMAGINED. ✍ 👍 💥